So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
