new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
