Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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