Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
