I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
