sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
