it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I need to stop coming to work sober
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
third nipple confirmed
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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