I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
