I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
