bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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