all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
