after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
