I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
