All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
