I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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