Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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