So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
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Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
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Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize