I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
