I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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