we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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