just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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