Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
