I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
