Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
