He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
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I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
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Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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