Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I CAN MOONWALK!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
