Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
