I want to walk on stilts...naked
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
