I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
