SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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