This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
