Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
