This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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