It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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