ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
