I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
