If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
