I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
