Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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