Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
