i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The power of my boobs compel you
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
