HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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