how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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