My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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