Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
