worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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