nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
