Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
