I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
