Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Well I just put wine in my tea
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
