Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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