if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
