He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
