he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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