When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
