i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
