i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
