did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Pants are for mortals
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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