i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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