I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
