I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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