Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Enjoy the penises
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
