The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
