You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
These tits shall not be calmed
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize