she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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