My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
it glows. i had to have it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
