they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I can't turn off my feet"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
