Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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